Three days later, I was in Lauren Mallory’s office again.“Don’t forget I requested this afternoon off,” I told her with a smile. She was actually pretty cool when she wasn’t concentrating on being a pretentious bitch.
She nodded. “I know. You’re out of here in a few. Got big plans?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a date this weekend, and I’m buying a new top to wear,” I admitted. It was the first time I had acknowledged my impending date with Edward to anyone, and I felt a thrill of excitement as I did so.
Lauren raised her eyebrows. “Oh? Good guy?”
“The best, of course,” I replied. “See you later, Lauren. I’m going to check my email and then pop in on the interns, and I’m gone for the weekend.”
She waved me on and mouthed goodbye as she picked up her telephone, stopping the loud ringing sound quickly.
As I expected, there were no emails of importance, and when I stepped into the conference room where the interns were sorting and dating files, they were all so engrossed in their work that I scarcely got a nod from them. I smiled and backed away from the door, my purse already in hand as I made my way to my car.
I pulled out of the parking lot and grinned as I headed toward Michigan Avenue. Nordstrom’s was calling my name. It was rare that I dropped a whole lot of money on clothing. I preferred nice but tried-and-true skirts and slacks; I usually just went to Express in a nearby mall to shop, but for a date with Edward, I wanted to buy myself something perfect: sexy but classy and comfortable.
The ride to the store was filled with music from the random mix CD that Emmett had given me. “This is just damn good music, Bella. You need to have it,” he’d said, and as I sang along with Andrea Bocelli as best I could, I smiled. I really did have the best brother on the planet.
I was still humming as I walked into the first floor entrance, and as soon as the sounds of the lilting piano met my ears, a woman asked, “Can I help you?”
“No, thank you, though. I think I know exactly what I want.” I smiled widely at her and hurried past her. The scent of freshly baked bread and coffee wafted in my direction from their café, tempting me to stop in, but I was determined to make it in and out of the store quickly.
As I walked into the women’s department, I paused for a second, trying to determine what color I wanted to wear.
From the corner of my eye, a vibrant red shirt stood out. I walked toward it, and I fell a little more in love with each step as I neared the rack it hung on.
It was a one-shouldered top in deep red silk. The shell was thin and sleeveless, and the pleated bodice had a thick shoulder strap that crossed my back diagonally. It would look almost as though I had a ribboned shawl wrapped around my body, and I loved the subtle detailing.
Immediately, I envisioned pairing it with my black pinstriped skirt, and my only extremely expensive pair of shoes. They had cost me an exorbitant amount of money, but they were black, lace bow peep toe platform Dolce & Gabbana heels. The strap around the ankle buckled, but my favorite detail was the velvet lining inside. That had been the deciding factor as I stood there ogling them on my feet in the mirror at the store.
I could find accessories to wear in my vast collection, I decided, and rushed to the dressing room and then the register to make my purchase.
To say I was excited was an understatement. The shirt was perfect – beautiful, sexy, and classy, and the fact that Edward would be able to see my body beneath the thin material - and that it would hug me in all of the right places – was not lost on me.
The girl at the register was sweet. I slid my Visa toward her, bought the shirt, and happily took the bag from her when the transaction was complete.
I was almost skipping on my way out of the store.
Emmett’s birthday was coming up soon, and I intended to find a gift for him while I was out. I immediately turned toward the electronics store. I was cataloging the ten or so things that I remembered were on his Amazon Wish List when a voice called out from behind me.
“Bella?”
It couldn’t be.
I turned around. Rose was walking toward me, a small smile on her face, with sunglasses perched atop her head. “Bella,” she said as she got closer to me. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Hey, Rose,” I replied. “Yeah, I don’t shop here much, I guess.”
She was gorgeous, of course. The first night we met flooded my memory. I could so clearly see the dress she wore, the way her eyes looked in the light.
And of course, I could remember other things that I probably shouldn’t have thought about in public.
“Anything special you’re looking for?” she asked.
I nodded, and the half-truth came easily. “Emmett’s birthday is next month, so I was looking for something for him.” I shook the bag, implying my purchase was within it, and she grinned.
“You’re really thoughtful; aren’t you?” she asked.
I shrugged. “When I want to be.”
“You want to go to lunch? We need to talk, and now’s as good a time as any.”
I stared at her for a brief moment, moderately annoyed that she seemed so flippant about whatever it was she wanted to talk to me about, but then her voice lowered to half its previous volume as she said, “Please.”
“Alright. Where to?”
That small smile was back on her face as she replied, “There’s a Panera a couple blocks over. Will that work?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. Do you mind if I meet you over there? I need to toss this into my trunk.”
“Not at all, Bella,” she said.
There was an odd, uncomfortable silence as we walked together back through the store toward the exit. Our heels clicked along the floor, and the bags containing our purchases swished in rhythm with our steps, but other than that, there was no sound between the two of us.
I was shockingly angry at her casual demeanor, and when we reached the door, I quickly said, “Well, I’ll meet you over there,” and walked away.
When I reached my car and looked back at the door, of course Rosalie was gone, but I pressed the key into the ignition anyway, and slowly moved the car in the direction of the restaurant. I tossed the bag into the backseat.
As I drove, I swallowed back my anger, wanting to give Rosalie the same chance to apologize as I had given Edward. Besides, the fact remained that I missed her just as badly as I missed him.
Rose drove through a light that I happened to get stuck at, and as I sat there in absolute silence – I hadn’t even bothered to turn the radio on when I’d arrived at my vehicle – I wondered what she wanted to say.
I had some guesses. I was almost positive that she would give me some kind of apology; after all, she had been visibly upset when she’d rushed out after Edward that night. But aside from that, I had no fucking clue. Did she want to be friends? Get lunch on the regular? Hang out on the weekends? And more importantly, was it possible that she knew I was seeing Edward on Saturday, or that he’d fucked me senseless in his kitchen Tuesday afternoon?
It was strange. I wanted their friendship to remain intact. I knew they’d relied on one another for years, and I didn’t want to be the reason their friendship met its demise, but I wondered if it was even possible that their relationship could remain unfazed after what we’d done.
Guilt crept over me slowly. I mentally kicked it away.
“Ugh,” I groaned aloud, remembering how much I hated the unknown.
Before I knew it, I was walking into Panera with Rosalie, and I tried to shove my uncertainty away. We needed to talk; she was right. And so, we would.
Rose gestured for me to go ahead of her, and once we reached the counter of the strangely empty Panera, I ordered a tomato and mozzarella panini. Before I could pull out my debit card, Rose had ordered a turkey artichoke panini for herself as well as two drinks and slapped her card down on the counter.
“You don’t have to…” I began, but she cut me off.
“I insist, Bella.”
They handed her our pager.
I nodded in assent and followed her to a table. As we settled into our chairs, I realized I was suddenly hyper aware of everything in the restaurant. The clinking of silverware against plates, the employees chattering, the paper the older man across the restaurant was reading as he folded it in half and leaned down for a closer inspection of what I assumed was the daily crossword.
Just as I was wondering who would speak first, Rosalie’s voice swept over me, calm and quiet.
“Bella, look. I’m not going to give you some big, sugary apology. The way our last night was handled was wrong; we…I should have called you sooner. I can’t imagine what you must have felt when we ran out on you.” She paused, looking thoughtful for a second. “I’m sorry. Really, I am.”
I stared at her for a beat, and just as I was about to respond, the pager went off.
“Ah,” she breathed. “I’ll…be right back.”
I stared at the table as she walked away, quickly returning with our late lunch. I grabbed my sandwich and she hers, and finally, I took a breath and started to talk.
“You know, Rose, I was really pissed off at first. I mean, hell, we were all in it together, you know? And I still believe we – not just me, all three of us – deserved some kind of better…I don’t know…ending? Edward running out of my apartment and you following him?” I heard my voice growing antagonistic, which I hadn’t intended on happening, and Rosalie’s eyebrows shot upward as she held her palm up in front of me.
Her voice was quiet, but clearly angry, an emotion I’d never seen or heard in Rosalie. The emotion flashed bright in the cerulean of her eyes. “You stop right there. He’s my best friend. It will always be him, if there’s ever a choice.”
I sipped my iced tea and considered her words.
My initial reaction was to be offended, but upon further inspection, hadn’t she just shown that she and Edward could –no, would – remain friends, no matter what? I shook off the offense and looked her in the eye.
“I understand that,” I replied. “I do.” I bit my bottom lip, staring at the sandwich before me and realizing I wasn’t hungry in the slightest. “Rose?”
“Hmm?” She looked at me as she chewed her first bite of food and lifted her eyebrows.
I cleared my throat. “Have you talked to Edward since that night?”
Her eyes flickered to the table and then back to mine as she finished chewing and then swallowed. “A little. It’s been strained, definitely, but we’ve both decided we needed some time to work through things. We’ll be fine.”
She was confident, which made me happy.
“Have you talked to Edward?” she asked, sounding genuinely curious.
I faltered for a moment. Edward had never expressed that I should hide our impending date from Rosalie, but we had decided on no exclusivity before. I debated internally regarding what to say.
“He called. To apologize,” I said. Another half-truth. Jesus fucking Christ, Bella Swan, when did you become such a liar?
She nodded. “I thought he would.”
Finally, I decided to take a bite of my sandwich, and as the flavors of tomato and melted cheese filled my palate, Rosalie asked, “So, I assume you’re not seeing anyone then?”
I shook my head, glad that I was chewing and unable to answer.
“Bella, I…Look, I was wondering if I could take you out. I know it might be strange for you, being with me in public. I know you’ve never been with a woman before me, so I can definitely understand if you’re leery, but I had to ask because, frankly, I can’t get you off of my mind.”
Speechless didn’t begin to describe me in that moment.
My lips parted as I tried to find the words to respond to the last possible thing I had expected to occur.
Rosalie exhaled loudly and looked at me. “I know we said no one-on-one dating, Bella, but…will you let me have you? Again?”
This time when she spoke, there was vulnerability there, and her tone was beseeching. Her hand crept forward on the table, reaching for mine, but stopped short, an inch or two of the table top still visible between our fingertips.
My lips moved all on their own.
“What did you have in mind?”
The smile she volleyed across the table at me in response was so gorgeous that for the first time in weeks, I remembered how inadequate her beauty could make me feel. I took in her perfect lips, the blue of her eyes, the gentle wave of her blonde hair.
She told me what she was planning and it sounded wonderful; we decided on a date and, with a brief hug and a light brush of her lips against my cheek, went our separate ways.
I had made plans to have an early dinner with Angela before we all met up at Breeze, so as soon as I walked through my front door, I went into my room and hung up my new shirt in the closet. I bit my bottom lip, looking through the clothes hanging on the rod before finally pulling out a thin blue v-neck sweater and a pair of dark gray pants.
After stopping by my dresser for clean underwear, I took my clothes to the bathroom and hung them from the hook on the back of the door. Then, I started my shower, letting the water warm as I piled my hair on top of my head in a messy bun. I had an hour or so before I needed to leave to meet Angela, and after the turn for the better that my life had taken in the last few days, I felt like pampering myself a little.
I took my time showering, letting the hot water run over my body, erasing all the subtle aches and pains that sitting at my desk at work always seemed to generate. I enjoyed the mix of fragrances as I used my facial scrub and shaved my legs, and when I stepped out of the tub, I felt clean and soft and beautiful.
Smiling at myself in the mirror, I dried and dressed slowly, taking a little extra time with my make-up than I normally would have. By the time I was finished, I still had a few minutes left before I needed to leave, and I found myself sitting out on my balcony with a glass in hand. I sipped my cold water, tasting the faint hint of lemon as the cold liquid moved down my throat.
I spent those few minutes thinking about my Rose and my Edward, focusing on only the good – that I had seen them both, that I would see them again. Soon.
We had so many issues we needed to work through, but I thought we were taking the first steps. And holy hell, it had felt good to be in Edward’s arms again…
A smile flitted across my lips as I drank the last of my water, replaying that afternoon in Edward’s condo. I was excited with the knowledge that I would see him again in just over twenty-four hours, and I wondered what our evening together would bring.
Speakeasy…
I shook my head, giving a soft laugh as I stood and went back inside. I put my glass in the sink, picked up my purse, and headed out the door.
In no time, I was meeting Angela in front of Taxim. It was one of her favorite restaurants, and I’d suggested it as a treat for her when she asked if we could get together. I hadn’t seen much of any of my friends since I first met Rosalie and Edward, but of them all, it was Angela I missed most.
I was vaguely nervous, wondering what she wanted to talk about because she was never one for idle chatter. Unlike Jessica, she didn’t gossip, and she didn’t push.
But she did worry.
I repressed my sigh as I hugged her, and I smiled into her hair when she squeezed me tightly around the waist and thanked me for meeting her. As we walked into the restaurant together, that relaxing atmosphere that she carried with her began to wash over me, easing some of the tension I hadn’t known I was carrying.
We sat at the table and looked over the menu, talking idly about work. She was telling me about how stressful the week had been for her, which was so hard for me to picture because she was generally the very definition of unflappable.
Just as the waiter approached, she said, “It was so awful, Bella! I must’ve changed my password, but I couldn’t remember what it was, and I ended up locking myself out of my email. Our new tech guy, Ben, had to come reset it for me.”
She trailed off as the waiter smiled down at us with a slightly amused expression. We ordered – a duck gyro for Angela and braised lamb for me – and then I noticed that she was blushing.
I raised an eyebrow, struggling not to grin. Angela didn’t blush. Ever.
Smiling, I prompted, “So Ben had to come help you…”
The red on her cheeks brightened as soon as she heard his name. She nodded, groaning as she filled me in on the rest of the story. With Angela, I tried to follow her lead – not push, let her tell me things in her own time – but finally, I had to know.
“This Ben…is he cute?”
She actually sighed, a soft little sound that matched the adorable smile on her face, and it warmed me to see her this way. It was rare to see Angela interested in someone – at least to this extent.
She was more animated than usual, and she actually seemed almost giddy at times, but she kept coming back to the same idea: there was no way Ben would ever notice her. She was shy and quiet, and she thought she was mousy. Looking over my friend with her gorgeous dark hair and wide, expressive dark eyes, I thought she was insane. And I told her so.
She rolled her eyes, sighing before whispering, “Thanks.”
We were nearly finished eating when she put her napkin beside her plate and said, “Bella, can I ask you something?”
I chewed slowly, taking as much time as I could before I swallowed the bite of lamb. I had an idea of what she was going to ask, but no idea at all of what I should say. “Sure, Ang…what’s up?”
My tone was nonchalant, but my brow furrowed as I took in the concerned expression on her face.
“I don’t mean to pry…” she began, and just hearing her say it made me smile. I reached out, squeezing her hand as I reassured her that it was perfectly fine. She flashed me a smile and nodded. “Did something happen with that man you were seeing?”
I took a sip of my water to buy myself a little time. Leave it to Angela to not ask, “Are you okay?” and let me brush it off with a laugh. She was always specific, and she was never wrong. She saw through to the heart of things.
My mind was racing, rushing through possible answers. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her, exactly. She was so completely opposite Jessica that I knew she wouldn’t judge me – and she wouldn’t go running off to tell the rest of our friends. But with the mess things were in right now, even if it did seem like our relationships were getting back on track, I just…couldn’t.
So I shrugged and frowned, saying, “Things just got a little…” I trailed off, trying to think of a way to put the whole relationship into perspective without getting into everything. “Weird,” I finished lamely.
“Weird?”
I nodded. “Yeah…it was one of those things that started out intense, but that can’t last forever, right?” Angela frowned but nodded, squeezing my hand before dropping it. “I’m still seeing him and…umm…someone else. I guess we’ll see what happens.”
She looked at me shrewdly, and I knew she noticed my evasiveness. “Were you seeing this other person before, too?”
My eyes widened, but I tried to cover it by taking a drink of my water. I set the glass down, licking my lips before I said simply, “Yes.”
“But things got weird…and now you’re seeing them both again?”
Her voice was gentle, but the look she gave me clearly said, Bella, they’re your exes for a reason.
I gave her a tiny smile and nodded. “It’s alright, Ang. I’m being careful. I promise.”
She frowned, her forehead creasing with worry, but she let it drop. She changed the subject, telling me about her twin brothers. They were nine years younger, and she had taken them the weekend before to get their learners’ permits. Isaac and Joshua were mischievous, and Angela often felt bad for her mother. She had been so easy to raise – just going to her room, reading her books, always listening to her parents – that the two boys were a shock to the system, so Angela helped out whenever she could.
Plus, she just really liked her brothers – that was one of the things we’d initially bonded over.
Soon, we left the restaurant. We were going to be taking separate cars so we didn’t have to deal with straightening them out later. As we were parting on the sidewalk, Angela hugged me, and I chuckled as I stretched up on my toes while she bent down.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she whispered, and I nodded, unable to speak.
That was all she said, and when she pulled away, she was smiling, letting me know that was the last time she’d bring it up. I was so torn, wanting so much to confide in someone, but it just wasn’t time.
We said our goodbyes and went to our cars. A few minutes later, we met up again just outside of Breeze and walked inside together, going straight to the large table in the back where we usually sat. All my friends were there that night, and we talked and laughed together, but my eyes were drawn continually to the bar.
To the place where I had first met Edward and Rosalie.
Strangely, I felt hollow, empty and alone somehow, even though I was surrounded by my friends. They were chattering, telling stories, asking questions…including me in everything, but my mind was far away. I sipped my drinks all night, smiling, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling.
It was a relief when I finally said good night to everyone and headed home. I hadn’t been expecting this strange melancholy, not when I’d been so excited all week about seeing Edward tomorrow night. The drive passed quickly, and soon I was walking toward my apartment.
Before I stepped into my place, my phone rang in my pocket. It was Rosalie. At once, some of the emptiness seemed to melt away, filled with warmth as soon as I saw her name on my phone’s screen.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, Bella,” she began. “I know it’s late, but I just wanted to say thanks for meeting with me today. And for agreeing to our spa day.”
I smiled. “It’s quite literally my pleasure, Rose,” I replied.
There was a pause, the line completely silent, and then she said, “I don’t think we should tell Edward we’re seeing each other, Bella. I know that’s deceitful, and I feel like crap about it, but…”
I cut her off. “No, I get it.” I looked around my kitchen, suddenly frantic to be able to think for a minute. “Hey, Rose, look, I gotta go. I’m sorry to cut this short, but we can definitely talk further next week, okay?”
She laughed lightly on the other end of the line. “It’s really fine, Bella. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Okay, Rose.”
We hung up, and I immediately walked outside to my patio, taking a seat on the chair there, the breeze cold against my exposed skin.
“I don’t think we should tell Edward we’re seeing each other, Bella,” she’d said.
My phone was still in my hand. I dialed without thinking.
“Bella, hello,” he answered.
“Hey, Edward. How are you?” I asked.
“I’m well. How are you, Bella? It’s late. Is everything alright?”
I took a deep breath and barged down my intended path. “I ran into Rose at the mall today.”
Edward sniffed. “Oh?”
“Yes. Edward, did you tell her you and I are going out?”
I heard him take a deep breath and finally, he said, “Bella, I just don’t think it’s a good idea…right now. I want to tell her…but, honestly, I’ve seen her once since that night, and I don’t think my coming out and saying that you and I are dating is something I want to do quite yet.”
I made my voice playful. “So, you’re keeping me a secret, are you?”
He snickered. “From Rose, for the moment, yes. I just think it could get…awkward…given our history.”
Once again, they were acting as one, but they didn’t even know it.
“I suppose I can handle that,” I replied. “I just wanted to call and say hello, and that I ran into her. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, you will. Good evening, Bella,” he said.
“Oh, Edward?”
“Hmm?”
I grinned. “Think of me tonight,” I said, my voice low and raspier than normal.
I thought I could hear him swallow thickly before he mumbled, “I will,” and hung up the line.
I stared at my phone, holding the power button down until it turned off, and then placed it on the small table next to me.
There were a million thoughts racing through my mind, but a handful were more prominent than others.
Edward had called me and arranged for a night out on the town. Then, he’d planned a spur-of-the-moment lunch and given me the best damn quickie I’d ever had in my life.
Rosalie had called me, run into me haphazardly, taken me to lunch, and asked to pamper me for a day at a spa in downtown Chicago.
They both wanted me to keep our dates a secret because they weren’t prepared to tell one another about our impending relationships.
I wanted to keep our dates a secret, quite frankly, because they did.
I mulled that over for a while, trying to determine when on earth I’d become such a manipulative bitch. Or was I?
I realized that I’d never been ready to give them up. When they had run out on me, it had hurt in deeper ways than I could explain; it had made me question my self-worth, whether I was attractive or not, and whether perhaps I was morally deficient for involving myself with two friends as I had.
Therefore, there was a part of me that wanted to continue down the road with them, pursuing relationships in whatever way I could – solo or not – with Edward and Rosalie.
The fact remained that they were both prepared to keep secrets from one another, and they’d decided this, yet again, without my consent, without talking to me at all, without even considering that I might have an opinion.
I could do the same.
As invested in the both of them as I was, I was slightly perturbed at how they’d handled this, yet again. The failure to communicate and let me be part of the process was missing, yet again. And I vacillated between anger and frustration and sheer joy in the face of seeing them both again.
Could I really date them both and keep it a secret? Did I have that energy? Did I really want to?
I was sure as fuck going to try.
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